So, I got sick of making the transfer, and just created a new account which will be the one I primarily post anything of insight into my life in.

Friends only, though, so comment and I'll add.

Account: mypet_virus

"Watch my face as I try to kill the things I can not catch."

Figured I'd update my icon in celebration of the countdown for the new movie.

Not like I'm pathetically obsessed or anything.

The end.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Shes+a+Pirate+

You should go and do this. Because you love me. and want to. Yeah.
So do it. And if you don't want to say nicer thigns, and would prefer to say more negative things about me.

http://kevan.org/nohari?name=Shes+a+Pirate

Either way, I'm cool with it.

This entry has been revised.

It has been deleted, rather.

Be careful you trust, be careful what you show people.

I'm on to you.

I had an odd dream last night [perhaps night terror would be a more appropriate label], gut wrenching…I woke up with a tangible feeling of disgust. Yes, disgust is often discovered in its tangible form, nowadays. But that’s irrelevant? Eh. Anyway, it was horrible and I was drenched in the coldest of sweats, shaking…shaking and shivering despite what would normally be a comfortably temperate atmosphere. Exempted from the warmth that one could derive from six comforters, and beads of sweat clinging to my shaking body, I was still cold. Freezing, rather, as if I had been plunged in to the Antarctic, a rude and uncomfortable transcendence, reflected both physically and emotionally. It was sweltering, but only in that way that once you’ve become so cold that you actually feel a blanketing of moist heat. A humidity, per say. Needless to say, it was uncomfortable…that being the understatement of the century.

Looming faces of archetypal people, personified figures of my past, ah…they still haunt me. Still haunt me. Terrible images of the sins that were committed, the lives that were lost…the hearts that were broken like the crumbling of the Berlin Wall. A progressive digression [five bucks to anyone who can actually figure out how that paradoxical analogy makes sense] in to a cesspool of my mistakes and my follies. Little porcelain dolls smashed to molecular sized shards like so many age spots upon an elderly mans hands…blanket acned with cigarette burns. Catch my drift? It never goes a way, never stops pulsating through my veins, ugly memories carried from blood to temporal lobe, arteries beginning to swell ominously –oh lord, stop since overwhelming sensation of foreboding. I am running in place from a darkness that is ever picking up speed, always just a step away from me…ready to devour every little synapse releasing the serotonin and dopamine. Strange lucid dreams, eyes active in my early stages of sleeping…a fluidity between thought and action…a plethora of painfully sharp colors.

Apocalyptic sensations tingling all over me, sending waves of confusion and desperation up and down my spine, from a subjective perspective –I feel like I’m dying. Overdosing on the bizarre ways of my own mind, as if that was a drug enough to maintain such a capacity of intoxication, of complete consuming. Breathing is stifled, heart is beating like butterfly wings that are weighed down by years of regrets and apologies never accepted. Each thought dances through the backdrop of my mind, miniature theatrical performances reenacting glimpses of my past that I never wanted to be reminded of. Missing the comfort in being sad and hating depression…an oxymoron of a girl vertically position in her bed and clenching her eyes tightly as if it would make the heartache fade. Fade, fade…make it fade.

I wanted to devour every drug that has ever been processed and deemed worthy of it’s effects to make you lose it. I wanted ever amphetamine, opiate, hallucinogen…give me uppers and downers…a rainbow of sedatives and any thing that would make me lose all control of bodily and emotional functions. Just make it END. Conclusion, the closure that I never seem to be able to attain. Elusive, evasive…come the hell back, will you? Aching, aching…creaking of bones and snapping of vertebrae. Relieve me of this pain, of this erosion of both mental and physical stability. What is happening to me? Where am I going? Where have I gone? Which forks in the road have I chosen the wrong path to travel through? The road less traveled is simply a road less traveled, the rest obviously had a reason for choosing the other. Rebel, rebel…hair on fire and fingers tingling. Mini heart attacks. I am an aesthetic mess, and I am an internal mess…my subconscious’ barrier broke and here I am, wallowing. And oh my, how I love to wallow.

Some one at least lie and say you understand?

There is neither good nor bad, but thinking makes it so,
Sasha

You've got me boy on the runaround, runaround, you've got me all around town...

I realized I really want to have sex to the song 'Sail Away' performed by Enya.

How the fuck do I manage to be so deranged, yet still alive?

Speaking of my state, what its it with everyone believing that just because you live in Kentucky, you must be racist and incest? I don't get it! I mean, sure... there are some incestuous ppl in Kentucky but that's not an everybody does it kind of thing. Anymore, I haven't heard of someone dating or fucking their sister...actually I've never heard of any body EVER doing that. Like the closest any family member has ever been when they get married is like 2nd cousins and that's by marriage, not by blood or anything like that. I mean WTF? Why do ppl continue to judge on the stupid subjects such as race, color, origin, waht state you live in? It's gay and close minded and really there is no point in it. I thought the generations of today were supposed to be better than our parents, more open minded and accepting...so far what i can tell is most are worse.

 

Any one else find it slightly ironic that in a sentence condemming stereotypes, judging and such that she used the expression 'it's gay', with a negative connotation.

 

I just...saw this and found myself slightly amused.

I'm...

Not the happiest person in the world right now.

I love how being happy seems to make for a bad livejournal post.

But you're angry or depressed and...damn, that's an entertaining read.

Funny, that's all...


I have written posts about this matter way too many times...but...it's time for another.

I'm off to Italy for a week.

Peace.

I realized that my "b" key ad "h" key are slightly stuck, which is unfortunate.

I just realized that my 'n' key is slightly stuck too.

Damn.

But hey, it's online, who cares about spelling anyways? So for the rest of this entry I will enable my fucked keyboard, starting now:

I became sick tis weeked whic was't that fu, ad i spet alot of time readig, smokig ad writig. Summer flash back, of course wit ocassioal talks o te poe ad such.

Okay, I couldn't read that so I am going to have to work hard with typing, or try to find a way to not use any of those letters. We'll see how this goes, eh?

Peace.

Apparently, my life is about to become a living hell. That should be exciting.

Anyways, all the things I didn't want this to become, have formulated.
Fucking a...I just want the drama to go away.

I will get out of the shit surrounding me if it means I have to join the fucking witness protection services.

Bye the way, I'm not afraid of you Blue, bring it on.

In other news, I'm doing great.

Silly.

Pluck the wings of the butterfly, see if it still tries to fly...like phantom limbs, but with beautiful satiny and velvet-esque shimmers that catch your eye. Do the butterflies still think that they have the ability to flutter away, once their wings have been ripped away? What a bittersweet image.

School is...school. I am back to my normal self. I am getting used to being surrounded by gossiping and shit talking, I feel it rub off on me, and I feel sick.




But in the end the truth will be revealed to me, right? Like a reflection in a covered mirror.

What's up with my totally stupid/melodramatic analogies and metaphors?

Someone should shove a crucifix down my throat and see if it helps, I'd like to be my own martyr.

Thank god I am finally fucking able to not get carded and buy cigarettes.
Seventeen in under twenty days. Tight.

Lindsay has proclaimed us the new "Sean and Andrew" or the class of 2006. Amusing thought. I would go into some sardonic and perhaps pernicious comments on this matter, but I'd prefer not to.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooh, Lolo.
Releasing of butterflies <333


Anyways, first day of Senior year...I'm either graduating in January, or am going to have two period days for the second semester.
Thank MOTHER FUCKING GOD.
I AM SO FUCKING READY TO LEAVE SCHOOL.
AND MID PEN.
I don't want to sound all complainy and like every one else, because Mid Pen has helped me alot...but it does get worse and worse every year.
I'm sick of it.
I'm excited for Government though.
I am going to prove Dave wrong and pass the Literacy Test, and be the first person in all of his years of teaching to do so (including Dave, heh).

anyways...yes...bye.


p.s. I have had seven people tell me that I am too ambitious for my own good, today.
I'll take that as a compliment.

Shit.

I want to fucking throw up.

I feel so disgusted that I honestly don't know how I'm not vomitting 24/7.

I am appalled by how the government is acting in Katrina's wake.

I'm going to start writing fucking letter's to our congressmen and fucking shit...

I don't know how much good it will do, but I need to fucking try.

I donated money. I bought food to send. I'm going to set up a fundraiser at school. And I will fucking write letters to my fingers bleed and fall off.

If anyone else is interested in writing letters with me, let me know...power in numbers?

And if anyone else wants to help with the fundraiser at mid pen, let me know...I'm going to start it as soon as we get back, and Alana's going to be helping me.

And everyone, I can't enforce it enough...even if it is truly five bucks, please donate...or send food or ANYTHING.




Don't let the most amazing fucking city in the US become fucking Atlantis.

Wow.

Listening to a large mass of people sing 'Lean on me' at a candle light vigil is probably the most powerful, breath taking feeling I've ever felt.

Over a hundred people swaying back and forth with candle's held in the air...it looked like the sky had caught on fire and you could hear the voices echoing over and around the parking lot.

Tears, smiling...laughs. Too much of a tragedy.

I saw people I haven't seen/talked to for like four years there. People who hated me/were afraid of me/stared at me/usually ignored me there who came up to me, crying, hugging people and we apologized for how we treated eachother, because this helped us remember how short life is.

I know it sounds cliche, but life is so fucking short. And you never know when it will end, it could be at any moment, and there is no room for hate. I plan on making a list of every person who I ever last had contact with in a bitter or negative way to talk and apologize to.

Times like these make you sound corny, but it's enlightening to be completely honest.
Everything in my life has been pure, raw and intense recently.
Love. Loss. Life revelations.

"I can change"

Sasha


Nick's older brother looks exactly like him. I would turn around and see him, thinking it was Nick...and then feel the drop in my stomach as I realized it was his brother...

Beautiful boy, we'll miss your smile and laugh.

My home is devestated. Possibly thousands of deaths, and the city has no electricity and plumbing nor air conditioning, and it could possibly be that way for up to six months.

City won't be rebuilt for up to a decade.

So much for my dreams.