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New Journal.

So, I got sick of making the transfer, and just created a new account which will be the one I primarily post anything of insight into my life in.

Friends only, though, so comment and I'll add.

Account: mypet_virus

I once knew a man from Nantucket...

"Watch my face as I try to kill the things I can not catch."
Figured I'd update my icon in celebration of the countdown for the new movie.

Not like I'm pathetically obsessed or anything.

The end.

Stolen from Annie


You should go and do this. Because you love me. and want to. Yeah.
So do it. And if you don't want to say nicer thigns, and would prefer to say more negative things about me.


Either way, I'm cool with it.

Feb. 21st, 2006

This entry has been revised.

It has been deleted, rather.

Be careful you trust, be careful what you show people.

I'm on to you.

'Break my heart for I must hold my tongue'

I had an odd dream last night [perhaps night terror would be a more appropriate label], gut wrenching…I woke up with a tangible feeling of disgust. Yes, disgust is often discovered in its tangible form, nowadays. But that’s irrelevant? Eh. Anyway, it was horrible and I was drenched in the coldest of sweats, shaking…shaking and shivering despite what would normally be a comfortably temperate atmosphere. Exempted from the warmth that one could derive from six comforters, and beads of sweat clinging to my shaking body, I was still cold. Freezing, rather, as if I had been plunged in to the Antarctic, a rude and uncomfortable transcendence, reflected both physically and emotionally. It was sweltering, but only in that way that once you’ve become so cold that you actually feel a blanketing of moist heat. A humidity, per say. Needless to say, it was uncomfortable…that being the understatement of the century.

Looming faces of archetypal people, personified figures of my past, ah…they still haunt me. Still haunt me. Terrible images of the sins that were committed, the lives that were lost…the hearts that were broken like the crumbling of the Berlin Wall. A progressive digression [five bucks to anyone who can actually figure out how that paradoxical analogy makes sense] in to a cesspool of my mistakes and my follies. Little porcelain dolls smashed to molecular sized shards like so many age spots upon an elderly mans hands…blanket acned with cigarette burns. Catch my drift? It never goes a way, never stops pulsating through my veins, ugly memories carried from blood to temporal lobe, arteries beginning to swell ominously –oh lord, stop since overwhelming sensation of foreboding. I am running in place from a darkness that is ever picking up speed, always just a step away from me…ready to devour every little synapse releasing the serotonin and dopamine. Strange lucid dreams, eyes active in my early stages of sleeping…a fluidity between thought and action…a plethora of painfully sharp colors.

Apocalyptic sensations tingling all over me, sending waves of confusion and desperation up and down my spine, from a subjective perspective –I feel like I’m dying. Overdosing on the bizarre ways of my own mind, as if that was a drug enough to maintain such a capacity of intoxication, of complete consuming. Breathing is stifled, heart is beating like butterfly wings that are weighed down by years of regrets and apologies never accepted. Each thought dances through the backdrop of my mind, miniature theatrical performances reenacting glimpses of my past that I never wanted to be reminded of. Missing the comfort in being sad and hating depression…an oxymoron of a girl vertically position in her bed and clenching her eyes tightly as if it would make the heartache fade. Fade, fade…make it fade.

I wanted to devour every drug that has ever been processed and deemed worthy of it’s effects to make you lose it. I wanted ever amphetamine, opiate, hallucinogen…give me uppers and downers…a rainbow of sedatives and any thing that would make me lose all control of bodily and emotional functions. Just make it END. Conclusion, the closure that I never seem to be able to attain. Elusive, evasive…come the hell back, will you? Aching, aching…creaking of bones and snapping of vertebrae. Relieve me of this pain, of this erosion of both mental and physical stability. What is happening to me? Where am I going? Where have I gone? Which forks in the road have I chosen the wrong path to travel through? The road less traveled is simply a road less traveled, the rest obviously had a reason for choosing the other. Rebel, rebel…hair on fire and fingers tingling. Mini heart attacks. I am an aesthetic mess, and I am an internal mess…my subconscious’ barrier broke and here I am, wallowing. And oh my, how I love to wallow.

Some one at least lie and say you understand?

There is neither good nor bad, but thinking makes it so,


You've got me boy on the runaround, runaround, you've got me all around town...
I realized I really want to have sex to the song 'Sail Away' performed by Enya.

How the fuck do I manage to be so deranged, yet still alive?

Speaking of my state, what its it with everyone believing that just because you live in Kentucky, you must be racist and incest? I don't get it! I mean, sure... there are some incestuous ppl in Kentucky but that's not an everybody does it kind of thing. Anymore, I haven't heard of someone dating or fucking their sister...actually I've never heard of any body EVER doing that. Like the closest any family member has ever been when they get married is like 2nd cousins and that's by marriage, not by blood or anything like that. I mean WTF? Why do ppl continue to judge on the stupid subjects such as race, color, origin, waht state you live in? It's gay and close minded and really there is no point in it. I thought the generations of today were supposed to be better than our parents, more open minded and accepting...so far what i can tell is most are worse.


Any one else find it slightly ironic that in a sentence condemming stereotypes, judging and such that she used the expression 'it's gay', with a negative connotation.


I just...saw this and found myself slightly amused.


Not the happiest person in the world right now.